A very good evening, one and all, from the Lifestyle Support Guru. This evening I have a SORRY TALE to tell and a HARD LESSON learned – this is after I found that Good Golly Miss Molly, my black cat, has learned to open cat food pouches (but that’s another story)!
So, what have I learned? – that WANTING A WEE can be EXPENSIVE.
The story starts at an Italian evening class (although it could just as easily be Serbo-Croat, Painting By Numbers or Knit Your Own Knickers if you prefer) where you find that the Italian for ‘electricity’ is surprisingly difficult to say. (This point is actually irrelevant, but it surprised me, nevertheless.) During the lesson, make sure that you drink a cup of coffee and half a bottle of orange Oasis but decide that you’ll make it home before WANTING A WEE. However, you forget that you need to call in at Sainsbury’s for petrol on your way home
because you won’t have time tomorrow morning before setting off for the wilds of Chesterfield. ‘Aha!’ you think. ‘They’ve got a toilet inside the store, so I’ll call in there before getting petrol.’
Having done the necessary (too much information?) and washed your hands, as instructed on the back of the toilet door – ‘Wash Your Hands’, without even a ‘Please’ – you decide you might as well have a look at the birthday cards while you’re here because it’s a sibling’s birthday in a few days’ time and you spend a pleasant ten minutes giggling at the ‘Humorous’ section before choosing a card which you think is hilarious, although your sister may not when she opens it next week.
That done, you decide it would be a shame to leave the store without having a quick look in the Clothing section, although you have no intention of buying anything, of course! Unfortunately, this rather delicious orange top leaps out at you and you decide to follow the golden rule – ‘if it isn’t yellow, or blue and white stripes, then go for orange’. Besides, you just KNOW that it’s a different shade of orange from the ones you’ve bought in previous years.
Having made your purchases, you leave the store and realise that you have very little money on you and you may well be in need of refreshment a little later on (because your mouth is dry from practising ‘electricity’ to yourself in Italian), so you go to the wine voucher machine (aka the Cashpoint) before finally going to get some petrol, which costs you an arm and a leg because the tank was rather empty.
So there you have it, dear LSG worshippers – always ask yourself ‘Have you been?’ before setting out on any journey of more than twenty minutes’ duration after you have consumed any beverages because WANTING A WEE can cost you unexpected SQUILLIONS!
Enjoy the rest of your evening – and before you go to bed, ask yourself, ‘Have you been?’