lifestylesupportguru

Tag: exercise

Exercising in Lockdown

Hello, hello, hello! Lifestyle Support Guru here, with some advice on getting through lockdown healthily. I am always looking for ways to help you live a more fulfilling life but without expecting you to have to do too much because I don’t believe in overdoing it if I can help it. Now, I know that one of the pieces of advice often given to help keep this virus at bay is to do some exercise and I am aware that I don’t give a great deal of advice on this form of help because, to be honest, exercise always seems like too much hard work to me, but I am open-minded enough to give it a try now and again and that is exactly what I did today!

Let me set the scene – slightly-younger-sibling (SYS) and I had decided a couple of days ago that we would have a drive out to a nearby tourist attraction – let’s call it Calke Abbey for the sake of argument – because the weather was promised to be sunny and we felt it would make a nice change. SYS could walk around and do some photography and the LSG could get some exercise walking to the café for a hot chocolate. Sorted!

Off we went, although it was most unusual for the LSG to be washed, dressed and out of the house by 10.15 am – practically daybreak! Dressing to go out in public was also a novelty and I opted for the ‘parish priest’ look – a grey V-neck jumper with a black round-necked top underneath (channelling my inner Vicar of Dibley), although I drew the line at a dog collar. Outer garments comprised a red coat and a white scarf, but I decided to forego the green shoes – I felt it would be too much to be wandering around looking like an ambulatory Welsh flag.

We duly arrived at our destination and SYS set off with his camera in one direction while I headed for the café in the opposite direction, intending to get a hot chocolate and a bit of breakfast, maybe a nice sausage cob. The trouble is, we are so aware of loitering nowadays, especially with people queuing up outside, that I rather rushed my breakfast order and ended up with a hot chocolate and an egg mayo sandwich because I just chose the first thing I saw on the blackboard! Imagine, the LSG – flustered! I went outside, intending to go round the corner and find a table to sit and enjoy my ‘breakfast’, but decided the chances of an empty table and chair were slim, so I opted for standing next to a wooden structure that looked like a tallish table.

And there I was, munching on my egg mayo breakfast, when I suddenly spotted a friend – and regular Wednesday night Facebook quizzer – heading for the café! Gail – I’ll call her that for the sake of anonymity – joined me at my ‘table’, remaining socially distanced, of course, and we stood chatting away, swapping gossip for the best part of an hour, interrupted only by the occasional person wishing to avail themselves of the litter facility, because that’s what my ‘table’ was, dear followers – a well-disguised rubbish bin! Never let it be said that the LSG doesn’t hang around in the best places! The water cooler of the outdoor space!

When SYS turned up, I knew it was time to leave, and completed my bout of exercise by heading back to the car. There was only one slight element that spoiled the whole experience – when I got home and looked in the mirror, I found I had two large, black smudges under my eyes where the bright sunshine had made my eyes water and my mascara run! Gail must have thought she was talking to a panda, and no wonder SYS walked off in front of me as if he didn’t know who I was! A lot of people smiled at me, though – they must have known I was the LSG!

Look after yourselves, dear devotees!

Being Healthy is Bad For Your Health!

A very good evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru! This evening I am going to share some thoughts with you on BEING HEALTHY. Many of you may be surprised at this because you may not particularly associate the LSG with a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE and that is exactly why I am writing this, simply because BEING HEALTHY is, in fact, BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

Water

1. I have tried drinking more water recently because this is supposed to be GOOD FOR YOU. This is completely FALSE. From my personal experience, all I have found is that it makes you go to the toilet more often, which means that you flush the toilet more often, which means that your water bill goes up if you are on a water meter. This will give you sleepless nights worrying about spending more than a penny, so your blood pressure will go up, which is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH. In addition, you will find that you need to go to the toilet more often during the night, which means that you do not get a good night’s sleep. This is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.
2. I have tried to get a little more exercise (‘little’ being the operative word), but I have gained very little benefit from this. For example, I went for a walk last Friday, an uphill trek through the countryside, on a very hot day, getting stung by nettles and attacked by brambles and insects.

Walking

Upon arrival at the top of the (steep) hill, I went to some nearby toilets (see 1) and looked in the mirror (a grave mistake) to find a beetroot-coloured face with mascara streaks looking back at me. The mascara streaks were caused by the sweat running down my face. (Did I mention it was a VERY hot day?) In addition, you will find that you are covered in little bites and scratches, which is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH because they could so easily turn septic and then you will die, which is DEFINITELY BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

wine

3. I cut down on my wine consumption, thinking that this would be HEALTHY. This is FALSE! I now get less exercise(see 2) from fewer trips back and forth to the fridge, so this must be BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

Having tried these methods of BEING HEALTHY, I can honestly say that they DON’T WORK! I haven’t lost any weight – in fact, I have gained it. At this point, some of you will think of telling me that I have gained weight because some fat has turned to muscle and that muscle weighs more than fat. This is FALSE! I have the same number of muscles as before, so that cannot be true!
So, what lessons have I learned?
1. Water doesn’t taste nice.
2. Exercise makes you go bright red – not a good look.
3. Cutting back on wine could create more unemployment.

BEING HEALTHY is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

The Mosquito Curtain, Cats and Exercise

beer in fridge

A very good and sweltering evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru! It’s so hot, I have been forced to get a cold Peroni from the fridge – purely to hold against my forehead to help me cool down, you understand.
Tonight’s post is one I am sure you can all relate to – how to leave the back door open without every fly in the neighbourhood coming in to have a party around the cats’ food dishes (substitute ‘dog’ or ‘child’ if you prefer). (Small pause to hold cold bottle against forehead.); so this evening’s advice is HOW TO PUT UP A MOSQUITO CURTAIN and GET MORE EXERCISE at the same time:
1. Purchase a mosquito net curtain from your nearest garden centre (although you can probably find them in Poundland at far less than I paid!).

Mosquito net

2. Once at home, remove the curtain from the box and study the instructions carefully, which are in pictures only – words could not do it justice! It says on the box ‘No tools required’, but what do you find in the very first picture? – a dodgy-looking cartoon character holding a long ruler and pencil against the top of the door frame. In my world, a long ruler is classed as a TOOL! Ignore this particular diagram.
3. Place the two halves of the curtain on the floor, as shown in the diagram, so that the magnets which hold the halves together are lined up. So far, so good.

Charlie

4. Spend the next ten minutes removing a cat from one half of the curtain – Malcolm seems to think this is a new game which involves wrapping himself inside the curtain.
5. Carefully place Velcro strips (supplied) around the outer edges of the two halves. It’s all going swimmingly!
6. Spend another ten minutes unsticking your fingers from the sticky bit of the Velcro strips when you removed the backing tape in order to stick them to the curtains.
7. Carefully carry the curtains to the back door and position them with great precision (who needs a long ruler?? Ha!). ‘Grand Designs’, eat your heart out!
8. Spend a further ten minutes unsticking your fingers from the sticky bits of the Velcro strips

Molly

when you remove the other bits of backing tape in order to stick the curtain halves to the wall.
9. Stand back and admire your handiwork and spend ten minutes showing the cats how the

curtains pull apart easily for them to go in and out. They learn quickly – providing you are actually holding the curtains apart.
10. Leave the back door open, secure in the knowledge that there will be no more flies in your kitchen and go and do something else (I find Microsoft Solitaire Daily Challenge passes the time nicely).
11. Go back half an hour later to see if there are any flies in the kitchen and you are delighted to find that there is NOT A SINGLE ONE! However – there’s always a ‘however’, isn’t there? – you will find that you now have three cats sitting outside in a straight line staring disconsolately at the beautifully placed MOSQUITO NET, unable to work out how to get back in the house!
So where does MORE EXERCISE come in? Well, you now have to traipse back and forth to the kitchen several times a day, opening and closing the curtains to allow the cats to go in and out.

Enjoy the rest of your evening! I’m off to find another cold bottle for my forehead!