Tuesday evening greetings from the Lifestyle Support Guru!
Inspired by a tale recounted this morning by my good friend Debbie, who rescued a sock from behind a radiator using just a ruler and a chopstick, I felt I had to teach others how to use INGENUITY and INVENTIVENESS in negotiating a path through this forest of dark trees, branches and thorns that we call LIFE! A somewhat long tale, but one which may well stand you in good stead in a similar situation in the future.
1. The first thing required is a poorly dishwasher which has decided to display its unhappiness by blowing up the house (I may have exaggerated a little here).
2. 24 hours later, armed with tea towels and other sundry items that may soak up water, you decide that you will heed the advice of many FB friends and gingerly dare to open the dishwasher, to find that they were right and that you are not immediately engulfed by a tidal wave of biblical proportions flooding from the machine. Buoyed (spot the pun!) by this success, you decide to venture forth and investigate new dishwashers.
3. You only have room for a small, worktop machine, so you look for a tape measure to ensure that you don’t end up purchasing one that will take over your kitchen. Unfortunately, you cannot find said tape measure and realise that it is either a) currently residing in a monkey-
infested house in Tanzania or b) stashed away somewhere in the spare room, cunningly hidden by a sibling (currently residing in a monkey-infested house in Tanzania) until his return, knowing that you will have little use for it until such time as he reappears.
And this is where the LSG’s CUNNING INGENUITY and INVENTIVENESS come to the fore and you sally forth to a well-known electrical goods emporium, happily armed with AN ALTERNATIVE to the missing tape measure. The ensuing encounter goes something like this:
i) Unusually, you are not immediately surrounded by salespersons and you actually have to search one out and ask if they have any worktop dishwashers because you can only see large ones.
ii) The salesperson sighs irritatedly and leads you towards the sole, cunningly hidden worktop dishwasher in the store (cunningly hidden on top of a box cleverly disguised to look like a worktop).
iii) As is usual with people of advancing age, you explain in great – and unnecessary – detail why you require such a machine and then go on to say that you need to check the dimensions. The salesperson obviously expects you to produce a piece of paper with the dimensions written on it, but, in the style of Paul Daniels, you produce from your pocket three PIECES OF STRING, of differing lengths, and explain that they have been carefully cut to the exact measurements of your dead machine.
iv) At this point the salesperson realises that he is dealing with a superior being and rolls his eyes in admiration (which may also be spelt ‘exasperation’), saying, “Well, I’ve seen it all now.”
v) Satisfied that the dimensions will suit, you then examine the inside of the machine and comment that it doesn’t seem to have a great deal of height inside to accommodate large plates.
vi) “Oh,” says the salesperson, “didn’t you bring a dinner plate with you as well?” You are sure that you have imagined the slight note of sarcasm in his voice, so you just smile sweetly and say, “That’s a good idea! I’ll come back tomorrow with one, just to make sure.” And you then sweep majestically out of the store, determined to return the following day with a large (clean) dinner plate with which to prove your point!
And that, my dear friends, is how to use INGENUITY and INVENTIVENESS to make sure that your life runs smoothly (and that you annoy the snotty salesperson at a certain large electrical store!).
Enjoy the rest of your evening!