A very good afternoon to all my devoted followers from the Lifestyle Support Guru, flying at a height of 37,000 feet at over 500 mph. Only another three and a half hours to go, so I thought I would employ some of the time usefully by passing on a few pearls of wisdom about TRAVEL.
First of all, learn to tell the difference between pounds and kilos, since this will help enormously when packing. There are some people who have been known to use an electronic weighing device and not realise that it displays the weight in pounds or kilos, depending on which button is pressed. Consequently, you may find yourself driving up the motorway to a northern city, worrying needlessly about how much you will be charged for excess baggage. Imagine your relief when your travelling companion, who lives in this northern city, points out to you that you have been weighing in pounds instead of kilos! Imagine, also, the annoyance when you realise that you COULD have included those couple of extra tops that you had left behind in despair!
Upon arrival at the first airport, just outside the northern city, ensure that you join the right queue to drop off your luggage. Do NOT follow the example of a couple of people (who may or may not be siblings travelling to visit another sibling in a far-off country) who joined what they thought was the right queue until an airport employee came up to them and gently queried whether they were really flying to the North Sea offshore rigs! I think the four suitcases may have given it away.
You also need to consider what items of clothing you are going to wear for travelling – should an underwired bra be your apparel of choice (and I address this to the gentlemen as well as the ladies), be prepared to bleep and be frisked as you go through security. And do NOT forget about that little spray of screen cleaner in the front of your laptop bag, as one person did – you will find yourself confronted by a very stern-looking gentleman who will call you ‘Madam’ in a very serious voice as he rifles through your cabin luggage (which holds nothing more interesting than a pair of pyjamas, a hot air brush, a make-up bag, some rechargeable batteries – complete with charger – and several lots of tablets. But I bet the Duchess of Cambridge’s holds nothing of greater interest – maybe a spare pack of Pampers or baby powder?).
When you change planes for the second, longer leg of the journey, you will find yourself offered a bewildering array of films to help you while away the hours. Unfortunately, you have already seen most of them in recent weeks, so you are more or less left with a choice between ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ or ‘Frozen’. I’m glad Elsa turned out alright in the end.
And there I shall end this first missive about TRAVEL – you have enough to ponder on and put into practice when you next TRAVEL. I shall keep you informed of any further advice that may occur to me as I continue my journey into the heart of Africa (well, it’s the east coast, technically speaking, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it).