In view of the number of ‘greats’ who seem to have gone a little too early to the Rock Hall of Fame in the sky in the last few weeks, I thought it might be helpful if I gave you, my beloved followers, a few reasons to make sure that you live your life to the full before shuffling off this mortal coil. In other words, LIFE IS TOO SHORT…
1. …to worry about wearing matching underwear (or, in the case of male devotees, [fake] Calvin Klein underpants) in case you are run over by a bus. The conversation in A&E is not going to be (one hopes): ‘Oh no! I cannot treat this person who doesn’t have the style to wear matching bra and knickers or (fake) Calvin Klein underpants! Take them away and dress them properly, please, and then I will attend to their life-threatening injuries.’
2. …not to watch cute kitten/puppy videos which make you feel all gooey inside – the only other living creature who can do this is Idris Elba (insert your own ‘gooey’ person if Idris isn’t your ‘goo’ of choice), and you’re more likely to meet a cute kitten/puppy than meet Idris (or other ‘gooey’ person), so make the most of your chances to get that melting feeling (not to be confused with that feeling of melting because you’ve eaten a Vindaloo).
3. …to worry about diets. I don’t believe that we have evolved as a species to eat lettuce and
carrots. If that were the case, we’d be rabbits and would probably feature in cute videos not featuring Idris Elba.
4. …to watch Eggheads. You are unlikely to meet a more self-satisfied, pompous and vainglorious (wonderful word!) group of people other than in Celebrity Big Brother or, maybe, the House of Commons.
5. …to count your alcohol units. This will become more and more irrelevant, anyway, as children will be required to use their fingers and toes instead of a calculator (latest government guidelines) and it’s virtually impossible to count using fingers and toes whilst holding a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc – believe me, I’ve tried, and have accidentally fallen over during the process, so imagine what it would be like for a mere mortal without my powers of control.
Sleep well – and let’s hope life isn’t TOO short and that you wake up tomorrow and read this!