Good evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Tonight (because everything on telly is rubbish and I haven’t got enough money on me to go to the pub because I forgot to go to the cashpoint…) I am going to share some scientific analysis which may help you to choose where you might wish to live, or at least advise your children/grandchildren/friends/colleagues/best friends/soulmates/significant others/people you don’t like/anyone else you know on their future places of residence.
Those of you who read my last post will remember that I mentioned Doodlay and the mathematical problems they have there – i.e. bottle of wine £11.60, but three large glasses of same wine, which equal a bottle, for £10.50. I have found a similar ‘offer’ here in DERBY!!! A sign outside a city centre pub this morning said ‘Large breakfast for £3.95’. And the offer? ‘Two for £8’!!!
So, where is the scientific analysis, you might ask? Well, the conclusion is obvious – places that begin with a ‘D’ have a problem with maths! So, don’t move to Doodlay, Derby (tough luck if you’re already here; put your house up for sale immediately!), Dagenham, Denbigh, Derry, Dundee, Derryhowlaght West (couldn’t find a Derryhowlaght East, North or South, or even a Derryhowlaght on its own, so they may have a problem with geography as well as maths) or Dwygyfylchi – and the last place is probably best avoided anyway because very few people will be able to pronounce it, let alone work out sums about glasses of wine and breakfast… In fact, the only way you’d come close to the correct pronunciation is to have a glass of wine WITH your breakfast!