lifestylesupportguru

Advice on the Latest Heat Wave

How fortuitous!

I first published this advice in 2013 when we must have been going through a heatwave (seems like we survived that one), so I felt it appropriate to publish it again!

WARNING! Lifestyle support guru back again, offering some sound advice on how to deal with the heatwave. There is a real danger of HEAT EXHAUSTION in these temperatures, so my advice is…DO NOTHING and that way you won’t become exhausted.

Forget the hoovering: that can be done when it’s raining;
forget the ironing: wear linen as much as you can – it looks creased within five minutes of putting it on anyway, so nobody will know that you haven’t actually ironed it;
don’t cook: it will increase the temperature in your house, so eat lettuce instead because it’s really boring and you won’t want to eat it, so you’ll have the added benefit of losing weight; and finally,
SAVE WATER and help the local economy at the same time: go to the pub and drink beer instead!

I have followed all these rules and I can honestly say that I don’t feel in the least exhausted.

Ouch – Beauty Can Be Painful

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Aqua Chalcedony blue stone set in silver

Snake Chain Silver Necklace

Good evening, all! It is some time since I shared words of wisdom with you, but I felt that today’s (slightly) painful lesson could serve as a warning to anyone who wears a neck decoration – i.e. a necklace – and in these days of freedom of expression, I know that this could apply to males and females, binary and non-binary, gendered and non-gendered, cats, dogs… have I left any group out?

I’m afraid that the main (slightly gross) subject of this post is more likely to apply to the more mature ones amongst us, although I don’t wish to make any sweeping generalisations – I am nothing if not inclusive.

Skin Tags

So, what am I talking about? Skin tags! You know what I mean – those bumpy little growths that appear on your neck or upper arms with no warning whatsoever and, as you grow older, seem to multiply with a rapidity that is frightening. I’m sure that’s why I’ve put on weight over the years – not because I eat more and exercise less but because I am turning into a giant skin tag!

Necklaces

But what does this have to do with necklaces, I hear you cry? Well, I am about to explain. Let me set the scene:
You buy a rather pretty little necklace consisting of a little blue stone (aqua chalcedony, for those who are interested) set in silver and hanging on a silver chain. The chain is, I believe, what is sometimes called a ‘snake’ chain because of its style. Unfortunately, it’s also a style that gets caught up in your hair if it’s long enough – and my hair (once described as ‘fluffy’ by a young hairdresser) is exactly long enough. This is not necessarily a problem – you just undo the chain, snip the trapped hair off and Bob’s your uncle (or Gareth or Ian or George in my case). However, with age comes great wisdom and… skin tags!
If you are at all squeamish, I suggest you look away now. You know where this is going, don’t you?

Tangled Up

Unfortunately, the hair and the chain somehow managed to get tangled up with a skin tag lying right in the chain’s path. Ouch! You make some effort to untangle them, but this is not an easy procedure when you are looking in the mirror trying not to stab yourself in the neck as you attempt to cut away the hair. You then hope that perhaps they’ll untangle themselves over the next day or so, but no…

Urgent Care Centre

You then wonder what else you can do – by the time you could get an appointment at the doctor’s, your head will be leaning at an angle as more and more hair becomes tangled up; going to the Urgent Care Centre will involve at least a four-hour wait (‘Urgent’ is a relative term), and going to A&E really isn’t an option at this stage – that’s for when your head is trapped at a strange angle by your hair, in a few weeks’ time. Brainwave! Try your local chemist! That was always the solution in the good old days before doctors were invented.

Embarrassing Problem

You explain to the nice young assistant (or very young pharmacist!) what the problem is, attracting the attention of the one other customer, whose head perks up when he hears you whisper, ‘I’ve got a bit of an embarrassing problem.’ You expect the assistant either to burst out laughing or to tell you to take yourself off to the (non-urgent) Urgent Centre, but she is incredibly sympathetic and takes you off to a little cubicle where she patiently and painstakingly snips away at the tangle until finally… voilà! You are free once more! She suggests putting a plaster on it and she hands you over to another assistant who manages to sell you not only plasters but antiseptic wipes, skin tag remover and some tissues and you walk out of the chemist’s feeling lighter both round your neck and in your purse!
And now I probably know why most older people keep their hair short! I shall ring the hairdresser tomorrow!

Looking on the Bright Side

Hello from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Once again, I am here to share some advice with you to help you make it through the darkening days of autumn. Even the LSG is human and has things that go wrong in her life, just like ordinary people, but there is always a bright side or a silver lining or a redeeming quality or an element of hope or… you get the idea.

1. The Cloud: You have been invited to a birthday party – let’s say your nephew’s 40th – in London but you decide to give it a miss since it may be a bit of a risk to travel there, given the current ‘petrol problem’. If you got stuck ‘darn sarf’, you would have to leave Molly in the cattery until you could get home again, which could cause her untold psychological problems because you told her it would only be for three days – and Molly already has enough psychological problems without adding to them.

The Silver Lining: Now that you’re not going, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t lose the two stone you’d promised yourself you’d do before the party. (Thinking back, two pounds might have been a more realistic goal.)

2. The Cloud: You have a visitor – let’s say a male sibling – who turns up with a streaming cold passed on to him by snotty-nosed kids in school, which means he spends the weekend coughing, sneezing and spluttering, much to the consternation of those around him whenever we go to public places.

The Silver Lining: It isn’t Covid!

3. The Cloud: The sibling goes back to work, leaving you with an empty house and no one to talk to (note: the sibling sees this as his own personal silver lining rather than a cloud).

The Silver Lining: You can now eat things you like, such as lamb, spinach, cheesy mash or hummus.

Exit left, whistling ‘Always look on the bright side of life…’

Taking Back Control

Good evening! Lifestyle Support Guru here once more, helping you to live your life more fully and today I’m going to tell you how to TAKE BACK CONTROL! (Hmm, I’m sure I’ve heard that phrase somewhere before?)

This morning my alarm went off at 6.15. This is a cruel time of day to expect the LSG to get up and function in a meaningful way, but it was necessary because younger male sibling had to be taken to hospital for his hip replacement operation (or ‘hip-hop’ as I jokingly refer to it in my mind). He had said he could get a taxi, but the LSG is never one to miss an opportunity for martyrdom and to store up a few favours that will need repaying at some future point. (Note, though, that the LSG asks for lifts at sensible times of the day, such as lunchtime.)

Off we set for the hospital, arriving in plenty of time – in fact, so much in time that they hadn’t even unlocked the ‘Inpatients Admissions’ door! It was quite amusing to see a small queue of older (not ‘elderly’, of course!) people standing outside in the rain, leaning on their sticks, or whatever else was available for support, until such time as someone decided to let them in (I waited in the car, of course). Male sibling went straight in first, without even a backward glance or a wave of the hand in recognition of the great sacrifice the LSG had made at that time of the morning. Arriving back at the house at what was still an unearthly hour, there was only really one thing to do – go back to bed!

A couple of hours later, a text came through from the male sibling to say he was about to go into theatre and that he’d ordered spag bol for his lunch. This last item was a totally unnecessary piece of information, as was the comment that followed that it would ‘make a nice change from fish’.

I lovingly cook fish all the time because he said he likes fish! I vary the diet between fish fingers, fish cakes and fish fillets – what more can one ask! It was at this point, as the LSG grumbled bitterly to a friend about the ingratitude of some people, that the friend said, ‘TAKE BACK CONTROL!’ So I did – and I took myself out to lunch!

Garlic prawns followed by asparagus and pea risotto – beats spag bol any day!

Not that the LSG is one to bear grudges, but I texted male sibling this evening (no visitors allowed) to say that I was about to pour myself a glass of wine and would he like a beer? I know how to twist the knife!

He replied that he was just having a cup of tea. I am still smiling at the thought of male sibling drinking tea at 8 o’clock on a Friday evening!

Enjoy your weekend, dear followers! I certainly will because I think I’ll TAKE BACK CONTROL again while I have the chance!

My Civic Duty

A very good evening to you all! Lifestyle Support Guru here again! I thought I would post a little something to keep you all amused tonight because there’s nothing else to entertain you, is there? The Lions aren’t playing today and there’s only some little, unimportant game of football between England and Italy, nothing to get excited about, so you might as well do some reading!

I have been doing my civic duty today, helping with the local Picnic on the Green, although I only played a small – but important! – part, setting the Animal Treasure Hunt and selling raffle tickets.

I also kept t’committee intrigued with my wine glass – being the LSG, I am not one to have any old common-or-garden variety of wine glass. OH NO! This was a non-spill wine glass with optional lid, and the lid had a little shutter on it to stop insects from falling in and consuming one’s beverage! Only one country could come up with such an ingenious drinking item – yes, Australia! Brought back for me by youngest sibling some years ago. (See photo below – of glass, not sibling.)

Some members of the aforementioned committee also found it amusing that, out of my cool bag, I produced some wine. Nothing unusual in that, you might think, especially not for the LSG; but this wasn’t any old bottle of wine. OH NO! This was a BOX of wine! Let’s face it – if you’re going to spend the afternoon selling raffle tickets and marking Animal Treasure Hunt answers, you need something to help you along!

The Animal Treasure Hunt caused the LSG far more grief than might have been expected. Twelve pictures of British animals had been hidden around the green and all the dear little children had to do was find the pictures, identify the animals and write their answers down. I didn’t make it too difficult, but I am a little worried about what some of our future generations are being taught – one sheet came back fully completed and all answers correct except one, where the child had identified a swan as a… wood pigeon. You would have expected a child with a name like Hydrangea or Hibiscus, or whatever it was, to have some knowledge of nature!

After the winners were announced, one child came up to me to complain that he hadn’t been given a prize. ‘No,’ I said, ‘that’s because you didn’t win one.’ (The LSG is known for her practical outlook.)

‘But my sister won one.’

‘Sorry, but that’s life. Sisters sometimes win.’ (Or words to that effect.)

He departed with tears in his eyes and then returned, complaining that his friend had also won a prize and had given it to another friend.

‘Well, that’s good of him. Shame he didn’t win two prizes, isn’t it?’ (Sympathy oozing out of the LSG!)

Off he went again with tears in his eyes while his mother came and apologised for the hassle, explaining that he was jealous of his sister winning a prize.

‘Oh,’ I sighed. ‘I fully understand. I have two brothers who are always walking away with tears in their eyes.’

But even the LSG isn’t completely heartless, so I called him back and offered him a Velcro-type bat and ball set (the others got Liquorice Allsorts). His eyes filled with tears again, which I assumed were tears of gratitude this time. OH NO!

‘I’ve already got one of those at home,’ he said, bluntly. In the words of King Lear, an old friend of the LSG’s, ‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.’

I think his mother saw the look on my face and quickly sent him off to play with it. Five minutes later he’s back, sister and friend in tow. ‘It’s broken.’ This time he didn’t need his mother to tell him he was pushing his luck! The last I saw of him he was chasing a cat and his sister and friend were playing with the now-mended bat and ball. Roll on next year’s picnic!

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