If you have been following along with the LSG, you will already know a lot about humor but maybe you have always wanted to try writing humor yourself? Not everyone can be like the LSG, for whom it just comes naturally as part of her lifestyle and close observation of humankind around her.
For those who want to try writing humor for themselves, here is an instructional video and also a sheet that you can print off and use to practise writing funny paragraphs every day. Maybe in time, you will become so practised that complete articles will flow from you!
Here is the video I promised you. NOT the LSG but a very good alternative.
We, the undersigned, request – nay, DEMAND – that the Tiny Tyke, hereinafter to be known as the ‘Yorkshire One’, be reinstated as an Honorary Welshman, given the years he has dedicated to visiting the Valleys and accepting that betting on the Wales result in any given year was not a good idea after the LSG threatened to decapitate him when he told her his prediction of a loss for a Wales v England game – and he was right! He is now banned from betting, commenting or talking during 6 Nations games (or even, if the LSG is in a bad mood, betting, commenting or talking on ANY day!).
If you feel that the Yorkshire One has been unfairly or harshly treated by the LSG (as if!), please hit the ‘Like’ button to show your displeasure – but remember, the LSG has a LONG memory and an unforgiving nature. You may also wish to take into account that the LSG can revoke your membership at any time, that there is NO Article 50 and NO ‘Backstop’.
You may ‘Remain’ or ‘Leave’, but you cannot do both, and you may change your mind halfway through – this is understandable, if a little stupid, but we’ve all been a little stupid at times. In fact, even the LSG has been more than a little stupid at times, but we’ll gloss over those odd moments. They belong in the past before arthritis set in!
Should the Yorkshire One be reinstated? Should the LSG become more human and, therefore, more stupid? Is there life beyond Mars? Is there life on Mars? Does Mars help you work, rest and play?
These questions may be answered quite easily, but the most important is:
SHOULD THE YOKSHIRE ONE BE REINSTATED?
Answers on a postage stamp, please.
It is with a heavy heart and an ineffable (lovely word!) sadness that I have to tell you that, I, the Lifestyle Support Guru, have had to make an executive decision and withdraw the privileged status of ‘Honorary Welshman’ from one of the select few on whom this honour has been bestowed. Some of you may know this person, since I have referred to him in previous posts. It is none other than TT, the Tiny Tyke!
‘How has this unprecedented event come about?’ I hear you cry. ‘We know that he has accompanied you on trips to Pontypridd, Llandudno, and other places such as Rugby and Market Harborough on rugby weekends, supporting Wales with almost as much fervour as a REAL Welsh person (except when Wales is playing England, of course, but allowances can be made).’
Let me set the scene …
The TT enjoys nothing more than a quiz, and he has a wide range of knowledge, although he can be a little impetuous at times in his eagerness to give an answer, as was the case when he was involved in a head-to-head fastest-first tie breaker where the LSG was question master some years ago:
LSG: What was the name of Ebenezer Scrooge’s business partner in ‘A Christmas Carol’?
TT: Bob Marley!
I couldn’t speak for laughing at the thought of Bob Marley and Scrooge Jammin’ together!
At other times, he cannot be talked out of an answer if he’s convinced he’s right, especially if he’s got the pen:
The TT was in a team of four, one of whom was a French teacher (although TT was unaware of this at the time) – this is an important point to keep in mind.
The question was: ‘What is the English name for the French wine area of Bourgogne?’
TT immediately wrote down ‘Bordeaux’ and could not be talked out of this answer, even though the French teacher tried to tell him it was ‘Burgundy’ and that the English name for Bordeaux is … Bordeaux. (She modestly didn’t tell him about her linguistic qualifications!) It was the LSG who had to put him straight at the end of the quiz.
So, what is the quiz-related heinous crime that has been committed by TT? Last night it was my turn to do the Sunday quiz at the local and TT decided to come along since he wasn’t at work today, so he didn’t need an early night. The first ten questions were on St David and St Patrick – in reality, questions on Wales and Ireland – and the very first question was ‘What flower is the national emblem of Wales?’
The teams swap answer sheets to mark, so it wasn’t until the end of the quiz that I was informed of TT’s answer by the team that marked his sheet – he had written ‘Shamrock’! SHAMROCK!!!
TT said that he had ‘misheard’ the question (which was asked twice), but how can you ‘mishear’ ‘flower’ and ‘Wales’ for ‘plant’ and ‘Ireland’?
Tiny Tyke, it will take a lot of grovelling and many more rugby weekends to be considered even remotely for the reinstatement of the honour of being an ‘Honorary Welshman’! A sad day for England and Yorkshire!
The Lifestyle Support Guru loves cats and often posts about them. As she and you probably know, cats are notoriously independent and have a mind of their own. Can you really teach a cat new tricks? Sometimes, their antics are so funny, pet owners just have to video them to show others what their cats and dogs do. Take a look at the video below to see some real howlers from your favorite animals. And read through the tips to try and discipline your cat!
Can You Train A Cat?
Training your cat takes time and patience. It takes more of that than it does with a dog. A sure fire way to get results is to use positive reinforcement. Whatever you do, don’t scold your cat because she is likely to just misbehave when you aren’t looking. Instead, praise good behavior and have the video camera ready! Any cat can learn. It is wise to first start when the pet is young, about eight to ten weeks old. But the pet can do well at any age. And if you are ready with the camera, you may well get some funny footage as the cat interacts with you or just has to misbehave to show their independence.
To Get Started
How do you get started? The first thing to start with is training your cat to come when called. Hold your cat’s favorite treat and call his name. You’ll want to make sure he’s in a good mood. You’ll also want to make sure there isn’t a lot of noise either. Distractions will slow down the cat or confuse him. Decide on one command and use it solely. The command should be short and easy to say. For example, “come kitty” works well or “here kitty” will work too.
Now, get down on her level by sitting or kneeling on the floor. Give the command. Make sure your voice is exciting and happy. When the cat comes to you, reward him with the treat. Also, ensure that you praise the cat as well. Then, move away and do the same thing again. The goal is to use the same tone of voice and the same command. Work on it for no more than ten minutes. If the cat is bored or frustrated, stop for the time. Try to do this two or three times a day for about a week. Once he gets this command, you can move on to others. For some cats, the thought of a treat will have them running so fast, they may even fall over themselves. Others may just act bored, then steal the treat when you are not looking!
The Crate Or Cat Carrier
When it comes to the cat carrier, it can be done a little simpler. Cats like warm dark places so put a comfortable blanket and maybe even a favorite toy of the cat’s inside the crate. Give him praise when you place him in it. Then, leave him there for a few minutes. Let him out within three to five minutes. Don’t praise him when he’s coming out of the crate because you do not want him to think this is the good thing. Make sure to reward him, though whenever he goes in. Leave the cat in the crate a little longer each time. Eventually your cat will be trained well enough to keep him in there. Except that when it is time to go to the vet’s or the holiday kennels, your cat will be nowhere to be found, especially not near the crate.
I hope these simple tips will show you how useful it can be to give your cat a little discipline.
A very good evening yet again from the Lifestyle Support Guru! After being silent for so long, I now find myself producing another missive within 24 hours of the last one – a bit like buses, I suppose: none come along for ages and then several turn up at once!
As many of you will know, we are currently speeding towards the end of the 6 Nations rugby season and there is everything to play for! When watching the rugby, I like to watch it either in the company of a group of friends or at home on my own where I can rant and rave or cheer as loudly as I want, frightening the cat along the way. Today, I decided to watch the game on the big screen in my local, mainly because I knew there would be nobody else in to watch it – a) it’s a football pub and b) Derby was playing at home, so most would be at the game anyway.
I settled myself in glorious solitude at a table in front of the big screen and watched the first half undisturbed – apart from someone coming up halfway through the Welsh anthem to ask me if I would sign their passport photos!
And then, from out of nowhere, during the interval, a man came and set his drink down on ‘my’ table and asked if I minded if he sat next to me. I replied that that was fine as long as he didn’t speak during the game and he said he knew nothing about rugby anyway, to which I replied, ‘Well, don’t expect me to explain it to you.’ (this is called ‘Welsh hospitality’). You may have gathered that I’m not one for chitchat during an important game. He settled himself down with his pint and a packet of Mini Cheddars. Within two minutes, however, he had gone up to the bar and bought another pint (the other one was still full) and two more packets of Mini Cheddars, this time in Branston Pickle flavour – I HATE Branston Pickle! Halfway through the second half, he went up to the bar again and bought himself another pint (he’d still got a pint and a half left from previous rounds) and 3 – THREE! – more packets of Branston Pickle Mini Cheddars! This man has a worse diet then me – at least I went home and had a hot meal (courtesy of the microwave, of course).
The game ended and ‘mystery man’ took it as a sign that he could now chat away to his heart’s content. Sadly, for him, I had finished my drink and was ready to go home. I left him heading towards some other unsuspecting patron while I wended my way to the microwave.
Everyone else gets the ‘nutters on the bus’ – why do I get them in the pub?? Good night!