A very good (but wet and cold) evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru!
I realise I haven’t offered any advice recently, and I know that many of you rely on such advice to help you negotiate your way safely along this treacherous pathway that is LIFE. I had originally intended offering some words of wisdom on ARTY-FARTY matters. (Sadly, predictive text changed that to ARTY-FATTY , which is probably a more accurate description.)
The original advice was to include a warning about ice cream vans and how they might be driven by psychopathic maniacs (courtesy of Stephen King’s ‘Mr Mercedes’) and how some people think that the Merchant of Venice is Shylock. Ha! I know better! (And I’m not showing off – that’s another story altogether!) However, since arriving in the pub (simply to gain inspiration, you understand), I have realised that life in the pub is much more interesting, valuable, fun and, as you will learn, EMBARRASSING for the LSG!
EMBARRASSING? FOR THE LSG? Yes, and I am sad – nay, distraught even! – because of it. My
reputation is tarnished. It was when I ordered my drink at the bar and reached for my purse to pay that I realised I had – for the first time EVER! – left my purse at home! Horror! I knew exactly where I’d left it – next to the china elephant piggy bank and the little yellow pot with an Alzheimer’s Society pin badge in it (rather ironic in the circumstances) on the mantelpiece.
But what was (almost!) even more EMBARRASSING was that the bar staff have been perfectly prepared to give me credit all evening because, as they said, ‘We know you’ll be in tomorrow.’ Needless to say, I didn’t bother traipsing all the way back home (a long trek – all of 5 minutes on a slow day), but took advantage of their kind offer – 3 bottles of wine, seven packets of crisps and five ham rolls later, I am having a lot of fun for someone with no money!
In addition, I have also had free entertainment, courtesy of a little Yorkshire woman who thought the pub might wish to listen to her rendition of ‘Don’t Cry For me, Argentina’. The reasons for this were never properly explained. On top of that, her brother also felt compelled to entertain the pub in his own way, offering a selection of (Yorkshire) jokes for everyone’s amusement (apparently). I have now realised that, should I wish to spend much time in Yorkshire, I will need to have a sense of humour bypass. (Only joking, Yorkshire!)
So, there you have it – an evening in the pub offers value for money in so many ways. Care in the community! Who needs ART when LIFE is so much more FUN?
Have a lovely (soggy) weekend, dear followers!