Old Man
Hello, one and all – Lifestyle Support Guru here on a warm and sunny afternoon. I haven’t posted for a while, so I thought it was time to spread a little wisdom again with some VERY IMPORTANT LESSONS IN LIFE that I have learned recently, all without the help of the charming, personable, former Secretary of State for Education…
1. Not all old people are nice, sweet and lovable. I’ll set the scene:
A pub (of course!):
You (politely): Would you mind not swearing so much, please?
Old Man: I’ll f…ing swear as much as I f…ing want. I behave in the f…ing house, so I can f…ing do what I f…ing want when I’m out. I’m 78 years old and I was in the f…ing Services for 12 years, so I’ve f…ing earned the f…ing right to f…ing swear.
VERY IMPORTANT LESSON IN LIFE? The Old Man has also now earned the right for you not to respect him (and his odious, homophobic, racist, sexist views).
Coffee granules
2. You (or, let’s say, for the sake of argument, a sibling) decide to throw out some stale coffee granules as you are clearing out your flat.
VERY IMPORTANT LESSON IN LIFE? Put the granules into a bag without holes in it – the ‘rule’ about making your house smell of fresh coffee if you are selling it doesn’t apply to cars.
half eaten cookie
3. You don’t like Rolos and you don’t like cookies.
VERY IMPORTANT LESSON IN LIFE? There’s a strong possibility (even probability) that you won’t like Rolo cookies either, which you only bought for the aforementioned sibling as a treat when he visited for the weekend. (In fact, the Rolo cookies were deliberately bought simply because you don’t like Rolos or cookies, so why even bother trying one??)
4. You eat half a Rolo cookie then put the other half back in the bag after deciding that you don’t like it. (Should you be surprised?)
VERY IMPORTANT LESSON IN LIFE? Sibling will eat the leftover bit without even noticing that half of it had already been eaten! ROFL!!!
Learn from these VERY IMPORTANT LESSONS IN LIFE and you will go far – maybe even as far as Secretary of State for Education (before getting the push, ha ha!). Enjoy the rest of your weekend!