Lifestyle Support Guru is back again! This time I have some really helpful advice on helping you to LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE (Alderley Edge, that is).
1. Go to Alderley Edge in darkest Cheshire where you will notice that the houses there are big enough to house a whole football team, let alone just one player! I don’t think the word ‘recession’ is in their vocabulary.
2. Head into the village of Alderley Edge for the evening, hoping to find a convivial pub or two. Unfortunately, the word ‘pub’ doesn’t seem to be in their vocabulary either – everything is a ‘bar and grill’ or ‘grill and bar’ and there’s nothing as common as a ‘pub’ (apart from the one at the very far end where we were staying, obviously keeping the ‘common people’ away from the Alderley Edgers).
3. Ideally, you should not be over 30 (but see point 5) and be as thin as a rake to get into one of these bar and grill/grill and bar places. If you are unlucky enough to be older and larger than this, be prepared to receive some very pitying looks and to be sent to sit in a dark, dingy little corner where you won’t be seen and possibly frighten the ‘real’ Alderley Edgers.
4. Clothing: for the ladies, shoes should have a minimum heel height of six inches, and
preferably higher, and all items of clothing (think minimal) should have some sort of sparkly bits on them somewhere. For the men, carefully-pressed chinos and a crisp white shirt, with a jumper draped casually over the shoulders, or a dark suit. (It also helps if you are 6 foot or taller because of the aforementioned heels.)
5. If you are male and over 30, be prepared to be the one to pay the bill – they’re the only ones I spotted getting their wallets out!
6. Look at the menus – the dish that particularly took my fancy was the ‘flattened rump’ at a mere £20! I could flatten anyone’s rump for a lot less than 20 quid!
7. Go back to the ‘only pub in the village’ and breathe a sigh of relief at seeing ‘normal’ people before you take a deep breath and pay for your drinks which, unfortunately, are at Alderley Edge prices!
And that, dear followers, is how to LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE! Enjoy the rest of your Bank Holiday!