Lifestyle Support Guru here with news of a fabulous new diet – tried and tested this evening and guaranteed to help you lose pounds (in more ways than one!). It’s very simple – all you need to do is buy a little truckle of Sainsbury’s Wensleydale and Apricot, on offer at just 30p!
So how does it work? Easy…
1. Decide you quite fancy a bit of cheese.
2. Take previously mentioned mini-truckle which is covered in a bright orange rind (bit like Edam, only thicker and brighter).
3. Try to get into the rind – you may use your nails (I broke two of mine), a knife (I now have a lovely cut on my thumb), a corkscrew (yes, I even tried the pointy end of that!) or anything else that is to hand (a chainsaw might be useful).
4. Decide you didn’t want any cheese anyway.
5. Ignore pathetic look on cat’s face as he realises he’s not getting any cheese either.
There – sorted! No cheese, so no higher cholesterol, no fat, no nails, and even some exercise included as you try your best to break the rind.
All you need to do now is rush down to Sainsbury’s and buy a shedload of these cheeses and that’s your evenings and your diet sorted for the next few weeks! Happy dieting.
Now, where did I put that corkscrew – I need something to take the place of the cheese…