Well, here’s the Lifestyle Support Guru the morning after the Pagan Wedding with one or two photos and some advice on a) how NOT to upset the bride and b) how to make a Pagan Wedding go with a swing.
1. When the bride-to-be sends you a wedding invitation, don’t return the Reply Slip having crossed out and re-written your name on it, this time spelled correctly. You will find that your name is on the Seating Plan, but again spelled incorrectly – a different wrong spelling this time. One to the bride!
2. When the bride comes to say hello and says to you, ‘It’s Chris, isn’t it?’, you know you’ve upset her because she’s already met you 3 or 4 times and has never met Chris, who is blonde and wears glasses, quite the opposite of you! Two to the bride!
Large glass red wine
3. When seated at the table for the meal, try to take charge of the wine – two bottles doesn’t go far between ten people anyway, so when the woman opposite you pours herself a VERY large glass of red, looks at what’s left in the bottle, looks round the table, shrugs, says, ‘Shame to waste it.’ and pours the rest into her glass, you know you’re going to have a quiet night! Of course, you could go and purchase your own glass of wine at the bar, but you’d already taken out a small mortgage on the first one you bought!
4. If you are going to be an ‘official’ at a Pagan Wedding, you might create a better impression if you’re NOT wearing a ‘Bushmills, Irish Whiskey’ rugby jersey underneath your green cloak and twigs. Quite took away all the mystery.
5. If you are ever the officiating Druid (or Druidess in this case) at a Pagan Wedding, try to find someone who can help with the pronunciation of the names of some of the spirits – not including Bushmills, lol! – such as Euros. The Welsh among you will know that this is pronounced ‘Eye-ross’, not ‘Euros’ as in the money! Unless, of course, Euros is the pagan god of money?
So there we have it, dear followers – perhaps I should have found out beforehand that the bride is a White Witch, rather than upset her! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!