Good evening – or should I say ‘Bonsoir’ – from La Belle France from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Here I am in Brittany and I have LOTS of useful advice for you, so I shall have to do this as a sort of diary, with just little snippets each day so that those of you with a short attention span don’t have to worry too much about concentrating for more than a couple of minutes at a time (well, maybe a bit more than that on this first entry)! And that, my dear followers, is a clue to this evening’s topic – BEING PATRONISED! As usual, I will set the scene:
You arrive at a very nice campsite in southern Brittany after a six-hour ferry crossing and a four-and-a-half hour drive on the wrong side of the road, so you are just a tad tired and in need of some refreshment so you head for the campsite bar..
You find that a small group of middle-aged couples who own caravans on the site and have known each other for a long time are already settled in the bar and they are CLEARLY delighted to see a couple of new faces. You take out your Kindle (remember this!) and your companion starts working on his laptop. One of the women (I’ll call her Rachel for the sake of reality) rushes over and the following conversation takes place:
Rachel: You’re from WAYULS, aren’t you? (First bit of PATRONISING – attempting a Welsh accent without knowing where in Wales you’re from – and not being able to do a Welsh accent anyway!.)
Companion (who is more patient then you): Yes, South Wales.
R: Oh, Carmarthenshire?
C (who’s even more patient than you at this point!): No, that’s West Wales.
R: And are you doing anything interesting on your laptop?
C: I’m writing a novel.
R: OH MY GOD! YOU’RE WELSH AND YOU’RE WRITING A NOVEL! OH MY GOD! THAT’S WONDERFUL! (Second bit of PATRONISING.) Have you had anything published?
C explains that he’s had one book published in ‘hard copy’ but the rest are on Kindle (remember, dear follower, that your beloved LSG is reading a Kindle at this point).
R: KINDLE? Oh no, not a KINDLE! I like to read PROPER books (not quite sure what she thinks you’re reading on your Kindle – Noddy? Janet and John?). Third bit of PATRONISING.
Rachel then asks Companion what ‘wife’ does (she clearly thinks ‘wife’ is incapable of answering a question on her own – fourth bit of PATRONISING).
C (STILL incredibly patiently!): She’s my sister, not my wife.
R: OH MY GOD! YOUR SISTER! HOW SWEET! Oh, isn’t that lovely! (Fifth bit of PATRONISING.)
At this point, you decide that you would rather leave the bar than spend the rest of your life in a French prison for murder.
PS And I thought it was supposed to be the French who were annoying, not the ‘chattering Chardonnay class’, lol!)