Randon thoughts
A very good afternoon from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Today I am going to tell you about RANDOM THOUGHTS.
I was going to talk about RANDOMNESS, but that is actually a mathematical concept and I felt that not all of my followers would grasp this concept – in fact, I don’t understand it myself, so I didn’t feel I should inflict it on lesser mortals. To be honest, these RANDOM THOUGHTS are just a collection of, well, just RANDOM THOUGHTS that I believe may interest you, my dear acolytes, and which may also help you look at the world in a different light.
Where to start? Well, firstly, CRUELTY. There are many forms of CRUELTY, but the one which cut
cruelty
me to the quick, beloved believers, was a remark addressed to me personally by someone I thought a friend. Picture the scene: you are in Little Chester Ale House enjoying a beverage or two and you casually mention to the so-called ‘friend’ (whom I shall call George and who might just happen to be the owner of the aforementioned establishment) that you will be attending a wine-tasting and nibbles party the following evening. Imagine, dear followers, how it felt when George turned round and said, ‘You’ll go anywhere for free wine, won’t you?’ The HURT, the PAIN, the unfeeling CRUELTY – I’d paid FIFTEEN POUNDS for the privilege of this ‘free’ wine (and nibbles)!
Cheddar Cheese
Second RANDOM THOUGHT? QUIZZES. As you know, I have some experience of QUIZZES and I have to say that they can cause much merriment. The scene is once more in a drinking establishment (I know this may surprise many of you, but I go to such places purely for your benefit, you understand, to help you make greater sense of RANDOM HAPPENINGS), this time The Coach & Horses. (Most people only have one local, but the LSG feels that this is a limiting factor in her quest to address and support as wide an audience as possible.)
Papers are swapped between teams for marking at the end of the quiz. One of the questions was: “‘The Theory of Everything’ is a film based on the early life of which renowned scientist?”, the answer being, of course, ‘Stephen Hawking’. One team asked if ‘Stephen Fry’ was an acceptable answer. The quizmaster sternly replied, ‘Of course not!’ ‘Oh,’ continued this very
Scotland
generous-hearted team, ‘well, can they have half a point for getting ‘Stephen’ right?’ ‘NO!’
On another occasion, the question was: ‘Cheddar is in which English county?’ and the quizmaster heard someone in the team behind her (yes, the quizmaster was ME!!) say excitedly, ‘Scotland. It’s Scotland!’ until someone else in the team pointed out that the question had specifically said ‘ENGLISH county’. ‘Oh, yes,’ said the first team member sadly, ‘Scotland’s not in England, is it?’ Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond, I think you still have a lot of work to do!
Third RANDOM THOUGHT? I have recently wondered if there is a connection between the rise in the number of mobility scooters on the streets and the number of cyclists riding on the pavement. Are the cyclists knocking pedestrians over willy-nilly, like a set of bowling pins, and causing them to have hip or knee replacements (replaced with what, I sometimes ask myself)
cyclist
and thus requiring the use of a mobility scooter? I believe this is something that the next government should put high on its agenda – an enquiry into the statistical relationship between these two groups of people. I also believe they should consider creating mobility scooter/cycle lanes where these fun-loving people can bump into each other like a set of Weebles (‘Weebles wobble but we don’t fall down!’) while the rest of us get on with our normal lives. They’d get my vote! (And, yes, I’m still working on my election manifesto, which may, or may not, include Weebles, cyclists and mobility scooters.)
And the final RANDOM THOUGHT? Have you ever considered that there are GOOD mirrors and BAD mirrors? I find I have these in my own house – the mirror in my bedroom is a VERY BAD mirror, showing all sorts of imperfections that I know don’t really exist (a couple of extra pounds here and there, a broken vein or two, a few life-affirming wrinkles), whereas my
Mirror
bathroom mirror is a VERY GOOD mirror and reveals no such imperfections (mainly because it is not in direct daylight). And as for the mirror in the front room downstairs (where the blinds are permanently down, to prevent the adoring crowds from spotting the LSG and camping outside), that is my FAVOURITE mirror of all because it shows me as the slim, lithe, perfect specimen of womanhood that I know is the REAL ME! This is partly thanks to the mirror being one that my sister and her husband bought me for my 21st ( just a couple of years ago), which has writing all over it, thus blurring the reality!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please feel free to add your own RANDOM THOUGHTS.
Before I go, one final comment on the ‘free’ wine-tasting mentioned at the beginning – the water was of an excellent quality, or so I am told!