The Perfect Shape


Rounded rose

I am mortified, horrified, desperately upset and VERY, VERY disappointed. I hadn’t realised that there are people in this world who have no idea who the Lifestyle Support Guru is and that she is perfect in every way.

I have just returned from a shopping trip to a well-known supermarket, whose primary colour is orange, (but other supermarkets are available), where I spent most of my money on cat food – I am being eaten out of house and home since the unusually-named Malcolm arrived from Oz. This is not because he’s especially greedy, but the other two cats now feel obliged to eat all their food in case Malcolm gets there first. I also managed to fit a little bowl of salad and some mushrooms into my trolley, in case I feel the need for a salad and mushroom salad sandwich later on. Oh yes, and a few bananas – a surprisingly healthy trolley for me, I have to say!

white cat

White Cat

Anyway, I digress and must get back to the reason for my mortification and horror: as I was heading for the exit, I noticed two women manning (can women ‘man’ something?) a stall advertising Weight Watchers. I smiled inwardly, knowing that the Lifestyle Support Guru is in perfect shape (round IS a shape) and that they would not approach me with offers and suggestions about weight loss. They let a couple of other women pass them without hindrance but, as I drew near, one of them smiled at me, offered me their magazine and asked if I would like to join Weight Watchers! She quickly withdrew the proffered magazine when she saw the withering look I gave her and the expression of disdain that crossed my face. I then smiled gently and said, ‘No, thank you. I am the Lifestyle Support Guru and have no need of such things.’ (I didn’t really, but I would have loved to!)

So there, my dear followers, is my sorry tale of woe. I now need to lie down in a darkened room with a damp flannel over my face so that I may regain my composure before venturing out for a meal with friends this evening; friends, I may say, who appreciate the true value (and size) of the LSG.