Good evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru! I was going to write something about Scottish accents (and hoping not to offend anyone!) but I have decided that it is more appropriate on a Saturday night to give some brief advice on THROWING A PARTY!!
1. If THROWING A PARTY, try to vary the music… Daft Punk’s ‘Mexican Budgie’ (that’s what it always sounds like to me!) becomes a teeny bit boring after it’s been played five times (AND you won’t get it out of your head for the rest of the evening!).
2. If THROWING A PARTY, do not invite girlfriends with those silly, high-pitched laughs which sound like a donkey with hay fever. They may think they sound girlish and flirty, but they just sound like a donkey with hay
fever. You should also try to invite one or two girlfriends who have voices pitched slightly lower than a howling cat on helium – this will ensure that your eardrums remain undamaged. (Girls, a little advice – try to practise speaking as if you’ve smoked for 20 years or more.)
3. If THROWING A PARTY, ask the girls (and maybe also the boys – no gender prejudice in this household) to remove their heels if you have wooden/laminate floors – not only will this avoid damage to the floor,but it will also ensure that the sound of the heels on wood doesn’t echo throughout the whole street.
4. If THROWING A PARTY, invite the next-door neighbour!!!