Good morning, all. Lifestyle Support Guru here on a lovely, sunny Sunday morning! Today I am going to pass on some wisdom about GOING TO THE PUB and how not to MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF!
1. Firstly, for the girls (and maybe for the boys too!) – DO NOT take selfies of you and your friends while standing in front of the mirror in the toilets. This is especially important if the toilet is a small one so no one else can get to the mirror. A good friend of mine was
unable to fix her hair and make-up because of these selfish selfies – luckily, she hadn’t had enough Taffy Apples to make her REALLY angry! You wouldn’t like her when she’s REALLY angry!
2. If you are in the pub on karaoke night, DO NOT do arm actions (in the old ‘hitchhiker’ style) when someone is singing ‘Do You Love Me’ – all you will get is strange looks and pitying smiles from the young girl sitting nearby. (Trust me on this one!)
3. If you must get up and dance on the table to Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ (yes, I go to really classy pubs!), DO NOT do it when wearing trackie bottoms and a (grubby) yellow fleece top – you will lose all credibility, especially when you then have to be helped down off the table because you are too old to get down without joints creaking (and no, it wasn’t me!).
4. Girls kissing in the pub is now normal, or so I was told by my companion, so DO NOT stare (the companion was staring, not me)! This shows you are getting old.
5. Whilst at the bar, DO NOT engage anyone in conversation on the merits of Budweiser vs wine – there is NO comparison between a gassy, American bottle of cat’s pee and a cheeky little Italian Pinot!
Follow these simple rules and you should have a really good time when you next GO TO THE PUB!