More Lessons in Life

cluttered room

Cluttered room

Good evening all, from the Lifestyle Support Guru! I shared some LESSONS IN LIFE with you the other day and find that I have learned a new one in the short time since, which I thought I should share with you. This LESSON IN LIFE is not as easy to follow as the others because it requires certain ‘props’, but I’m sure you can improvise if you are a true follower of the LSG.
You will need:

– One brother (although a sister would do just as well, I’m sure)
– One small house
– Lots of luggage and furniture – including a telescope – in the front room (all supplied by the brother from his flat)
– One ironing board
– A couple of cats, preferably one being white and long-haired

white cat

White Cat

– An imminent parcel delivery (again supplied by aforementioned brother)

And here’s what you do:

1. Set up ironing board in the front room, moving the settee back to give you room (I said you need a SMALL house), so that the settee is now pushed up against the large luggage holders and the bookcase which have appeared in your house since last week and which have stayed in the front room because there is simply nowhere else to put them because the back room is filled with tables, a rocking chair, a steam mop, a clothes rail…I could go on… This now means that you have no clear access to the front door but that’s ok because you weren’t planning on going out tonight anyway.

black trousers

black trousers

2. Do the ironing (well, some of it, until you start to melt), carefully picking the long, white hairs of your moulting (because it’s summer) Persian cat off the black linen trousers as you go along (there must be a scientific reason for cat hair and linen being so attracted to each other).
3. Take the freshly-ironed clothes upstairs and, through the bedroom window, spot a UPS van stopping outside your house – and you just KNOW that he’s going to deliver the parcel that your brother had said would arrive tomorrow.
4. Dash downstairs when you hear the knock on the door, shouting ‘I’m on my way!’, hurl luggage to one side, push settee to the other, stub toe on the bookcase as you tip it over and, finally, open the door, red-faced and hair plastered to your melting scalp. Smile sweetly at the driver who looks terrified at being confronted by a living, breathing beetroot and sign for parcel.

And the LESSON IN LIFE? If your brother says he’s going abroad and will need to move his stuff back home, sell up quickly and don’t let him have your new address! Enjoy the rest of this lovely evening!