A very good morning from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Here we are hurtling towards an election and I haven’t even started planning my Election Manifesto yet! Never mind, there’s still time.
I was going to put up a post about RANDOM THOUGHTS, but that will have to wait because I feel there is still something to be learned about life’s rich tapestry from QUIZ NIGHTS. As you, my dedicated followers, know, I selflessly devote much of my time to good deeds and helping others (in between lunching with ladies and going to the cinema), usually in the form of charity quizzes (because I can’t be bothered to do anything energetic like rowing a raft down a river or running a marathon), and last night was no exception. Following last week’s ‘successful’ disaster, I had planned everything very carefully for the latest one, but I’m afraid there is no planning for OTHER PEOPLE!
1. Do NOT assume that the people attending the quiz will be any better behaved than the six- and seven-year-olds at the previous week’s quiz. They will talk as much, if not more, even when you are asking the questions. This means that you will be constantly asked to repeat questions (I think last night’s record was eight times for the same question – as if the repetition will make it any easier to answer!). You will also find that good eyesight comes in handy as team members hold up fingers to indicate which number question they wish to be repeated – at least, I THINK that’s why they were holding up two fingers!
2. Do NOT feel sorry for anyone who comes up and asks you to go a bit more slowly, telling you that the sound at the back of the room isn’t very clear (although I’m not sure how going a bit more slowly helps you hear better?). You will find that, when you look up as you are (slowly) asking a question, every single person in the ‘can’t hear clearly’ team will be chatting away quite merrily, not listening to a word you are saying! You speed up from that point onwards (revenge is sweet).
3. Do NOT get upset when one person complains because you won’t accept an answer – putting two (very different) answers down, with one of them in brackets (which just happens to be the correct one) underneath the wrong answer (not in brackets) is called CHEATING or PUSHING YOUR LUCK! Rise above the angry look, smile sweetly and say, patronisingly, ‘The quizmaster is always right.’
4. Do NOT assume that the excellent organiser of the evening (You know who you are, Karen) will forget about your dietary needs. You will be plied with delicious scones with cream and jam, lovely chilli jacket potatoes (with extra cheese) and boring cans of pop (because you’re driving). She, in the meantime, having successfully lost a lot of weight, will be munching away merrily on a lettuce leaf or two. I suggest that you starve yourself for a minimum of three days prior to the event unless you wish to end the evening looking like a barrage balloon.
5. And finally, do NOT assume that, because it’s a ‘posh’ school, everyone will achieve your own high standards of dress. A long frock, tiara and elbow-length white gloves are, I feel, the minimum requirements (failing that, a new, bright green jacket from M&S will do), but expect to be DISAPPOINTED – not a Barbour jacket or a green welly to be seen!
And there you have it, devoted followers and disciples: life is full of disappointments and sorrows, but you can learn to rise above them and BECOME A BETTER PERSON if you follow the LSG’s sound advice. Enjoy your weekend.
Now, where did I put that tiara?